There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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