apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
