I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize