I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
