Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
