I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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