at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
