just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
