i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize