Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
