I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
