yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
