I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
