Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
