you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
