Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
