So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
