What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
