it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize