Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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