Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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