I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
