Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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