i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
