yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
