please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
