I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
