Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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