Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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