Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
