Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
