Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
