Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
