apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
