your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
