just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize