do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
