Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
