two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize