I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
