Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
