What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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