I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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