I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
