Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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