Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
