I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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