I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
