i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the room spins SO much faster in panama
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
