I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize