Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
