guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
