I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize