In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
