i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
