guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
