The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
