Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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