Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
