Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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