so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do vagina's smell?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
