I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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