I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
