everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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