Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is wine microwaveable?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
