I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize