Please, let me fuck your mom
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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