haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
