what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
