I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
