last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
