I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
