I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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