put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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