Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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