Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
