:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
