this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
