bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
