it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
