i jhust puked up my retainher.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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