I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
