My room smells like vodka and shame
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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