I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There's even glitter on my cock...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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