You smell like a Billy Joel song
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
how drunk are you?
Several
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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