Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
