Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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