apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
