How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can't motorboat a personality
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
