remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize