im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
