That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
