Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
