I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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