Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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