ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just high enough for therapy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
