You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
