Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
