Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
