The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sext me about skeletons
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
