I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
