That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
