Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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