im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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