Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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