You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
