I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
