No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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