I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
